i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
