masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we're making bets on your personal life
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
