Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
