I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
