im drinking this country out of the recession.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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