If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
