I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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