I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
