just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
