last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
