So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
