hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize