It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
