I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize