I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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