too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
