he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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