I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just puked most of my soul out..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
