The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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