I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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