I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
