walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
