I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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