Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
