im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
thus making me awesome and them whores
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We talked him into tasing himself.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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