You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
