Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
