we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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