i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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