It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
