it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
