My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
