If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but donβt have sex in front of my house lmao
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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