you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
