we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize