Me. At least after what I've been through.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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