Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
