Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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