I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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