well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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