The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
