Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
