My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
