i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
