He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
