Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
