Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
