i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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