I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
