I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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