I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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