Will you blow on my dice?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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