I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
