how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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