Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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