Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
