How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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