you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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