I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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