We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
