wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
