The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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