And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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