Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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