So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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