I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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